Top 24 Things I Hate About 24
Don’t let the title mislead you. I’ve been an avid 24 viewer for its almost ten years of existence. I love the sound of its opening theme. I was one of those who were stunned when Teri Bauer, in a brilliant move by the show’s creators that set the perpetually tragic tone for Jack Bauer all throughout the series, was killed off in the last few minutes of the first season. I seethed with rage when President David Palmer ordered a subordinate to off himself just to comply with a terrorist’s demands. I was one of those who laughed at the misadventures of Kim Bauer, probably the dumbest daughter of a federal agent, or any kind of parent for that matter, ever.
But while I loved the show, there a number of things about it that left me scratching my head even when I’m dandruff free. As the show comes to an end next month after eight seasons, it’s only fitting that I list them, 24 of them to be exact. These will at least remind me not to miss the show so much when its trademark ticking goes silent and its digital clock finally winds down, for good.
1. Jack Bauer’s cell phones have batteries that need no recharging whatsoever, not even after long / multiple calls or heavy media transmissions.
2. Jack Bauer doesn't eat or drink.
3. Jack Bauer never takes a whizz.
4. Its habit of leaving the fate of certain important characters hanging in the air, like season 2 presidential advisor Lynne Kresge, season 4 terrorist spawn Behrooz Araz, Day 6 president Wayne Palmer, and Martha Logan’s aide Evelyn Martin and his young daughter from season 5.
5. David Palmer is the second biggest jerk (next to Charles Logan) to ever become president, ordering a subordinate to kill himself because a terrorist asked him for it.
6. They killed off Michelle Dessler just when she was starting to show some skin. She was rockin’ pink spaghetti straps the morning she was blown to kingdom come, for chrissakes.
7. Speaking of hot women on the show, they just did what is probably the worst case of coitus interruptus on TV, with Renee Walker getting offed seconds after getting off with Jack Bauer.
8. They hand out immunity deals like they were lollipops to any hardcore terrorist who promises to “sing”, never mind if the guy killed a couple thousand Americans just a few hours ago.
9. Until recently, nobody, except for Chloe and a few other characters, ever believes or listens to Jack until it's too late.
10. You’d think that Jack Bauer, who was imprisoned and tortured in China for almost two years before being retrieved by the American government in time for Day 6, would at least show some signs of being traumatized by the ordeal. Instead, he got back into super agent mode in no time at all. But then again, HE IS Jack Bauer. Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.
11. Kim Bauer, the aforementioned stupid daughter, became an analyst at CTU.
12. Dennis Hopper as main season 1 bad guy Victor Drazen.
13. Heroin is one of the toughest drugs to kick, but Jack easily shrugged it off. Then again, see no. 10.
14. Tony Almeida making like Jesus Christ.
15. Tony Almeida becoming a villain, a hero, then a villain again in less than 24 hrs.
16. The White House assault and hostage situation staged by an African commando team.
17. Graem Bauer. Not that the actor was doing a bad job, but because he looked and talked just like an ex-boss of mine, and made me wanna punch a hole through his face and my TV every single time he appears onscreen with that dang Bluetooth.
18. David and Sherry Palmer are fairly good looking, which is why the fact that they produced a son who looks like Keith makes us question everything we've been taught about genetics.
19. Pilots are so good they could land big ass planes on narrow strips of road.
20. The ease at which enemies could plant moles inside the supposedly COUNTER-Terrorist Unit.
21. In season 8, everybody, from ex-cons to bounty hunters, seems to know where CTU is and are even allowed inside the premises.
22. Jack Bauer being able to do undercover work despite having his face plastered all over TV screens during the Senate hearings in season 7.
23. The charisma-challenged Wayne Palmer became president.
24. Jack’s "I give you my word", which he breaks more often than he keeps, unintentionally or otherwise.
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