Top 10 Multi-Platinum Female Singers Who Can’t Really Sing

If there's one thing about the music industry that constantly rings true, it's the fact that a singer need not be a great one to sell millions of records. That's because a number of other factors kick in—beauty, mass appeal, style, hype, digital tricks, etc—and make people buy their albums, even though in reality, they probably are much more talented than their music idols.

Still, while some Hollywood actors who can sing may sound better than any of the artists listed below, they could only dream of the multiplatinum sales these singers have achieved.

10. Ashlee Simpson

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Who could ever forget her 2004 lip-syncing performance on Saturday Night Live and at the 2005 Orange Bowl in Miami, Florida, where a crowd of 70,000 booed her off the stage? But while universally derided as having very little talent as a singer, Ashlee Simpson has sold more than 5 million albums worldwide, with her debut album "Autobigraphy" alone selling more than 3.5 million copies.

9. Miley Cyrus

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The first time I bothered to listen to Miley Cyrus sing was during the 2008 installment of Idol Gives Back, and those two performances of hers made me wonder why the hell this 15-year-old has become so huge that mothers actually fake essays for their kids so they can score tickets to her show. Honestly, she's way better at taking slutty pictures of herself than she is at singing.

Then again, my opinion doesn't matter a whit: Cyrus has already sold more than 8.5 million albums worldwide as of January 2008.

8. Jessica Simpson

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Although Jessica is considered the better singer in the Simpson family, that still isn't saying much. Her screaming singing voice can give one migraines, especially when she's trying to hit those high notes. Still, millions of people seem to love experiencing severe headaches because as of October 2008, 17.2 million of Jessica's records have already been sold.

7. Avril Lavigne

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Sometimes, we actually wish that Avril Lavigne is a real punk rocker as she claims to be, because in punk music, brilliant singing voices aren't really a requirement. Sadly, she's a pop singer, and as a pop singer, she royally sucks, 30 million albums sold worldwide notwithstanding. Her album tracks are oh-so-obviously peppered with layer upon layer of digital magic, and when she sings live, she makes the audience want to pop their own eardrums.

6. Jennifer Lopez

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There's no doubt that J.Lo can dance. But can she really sing? She can't, of course, but that didn't stop her from selling more than 48 million albums worldwide.

5. Paula Abdul

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Paula Abdul is a lot of things, but a singer isn't one of them. She's one of those singers whose recordings need tons of digital manipulation to pass herself off as one. And she's actually succeeded in making people think she can actually carry a tune, as she has sold more than 53 million records to date. Then there's that little TV show called American Idol where she routinely judges other peoples' singing talents.

4. Britney Spears

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Britney Spears sounds like a cat on the verge of death when she's singing, but people apparently find her style "sexy", and continue to buy her records. Her debut album, "...Baby One More Time", has already gone past the 25 million sales mark as of October 2008. All in all, she has sold an estimated 83 million records worldwide.

3. Janet Jackson

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After selling over 100 million albums worldwide, Janet Jackson, who is like, 50, still sounds like a girl who has just discovered she has pubes whenever she sings. Her voice has remained teeny-weeny all these years she even manages to sound more girly-ish than her brother Michael Jackson. And that in itself is already quite a feat.

2. Cher

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Cher is a good singer—that is, if she were a guy. Not only does she sing like a dude, she also has this way of producing that very masculine sound through the nose which makes her singing even scarier.  However, her voice didn't scare buyers away, but instead drew them in, selling more than 180 million records in her over 40 years in the music business.

1. Madonna

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The fact that Andrew Lloyd Webber had to transpose down many of the songs in his musical Evita to ensure that Madonna hits them right in the 1996 film version is a testament to the singing talent, or lack thereof, of the woman who has been labeled by Guinness World Records as the world's most successful female recording artist of all time. Currently the richest woman in music, Madonna has sold more than 250 million records worldwide, and is still counting.

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16 Responses to “Top 10 Multi-Platinum Female Singers Who Can’t Really Sing”

  1. this is bullshit

  2. Hey, Avril Lavinge and Ashlee Simpson can sing live. And where are Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan Katy Perry and Shakira?

  3. Hey what happend with my first comment? Avril can sing live. Have you ever watch her live on TV, DVD or Internet or visit one of her concerts? I think not. Oh and Ashlee can sing, too. Where are Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff. These Girls are very bad singers?

  4. You are wrong. Avril Lavigne, Ashlee and Jessica Simpson can sing.

  5. Avril, Ashlee and Jessica can sing very well.

  6. Where is Katy Perry?
    I’ve seen video at Utube where she performed “I’ve kissed the girl” live and it was SO horrible!

  7. “Can’t really sing” is rather an exaggeration for most of these people.

    I’d agree that Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, and Paula Abdul aren’t really singers at all and show very little, if any, vocal range in their records.

    The others are basically try hard but have limited vocal abilities.

    In the case of Madonna, she has at least tried to expand her range (Evita may have been a flop but she at least took the risk, and I thought she did a respectable job), although with age her range has naturally diminished.

  8. Hilarious, obviously 4 posts from one person defending the same mediocre teen pop trash singers. How deluded. These names are pretty much notorious for their poor life performances. It’s a joke to try to argue.

  9. Oops, I meant to type “live” performances…though come to think of it, the sentence seems to worth either way. :)

  10. you forgot Taylor Swift
    just put her as #1

  11. JANET CAN SING UGLY!

    TOGETHER AGAIN
    ALL FOR YOU
    RHYTHM NATION
    AGAIN
    STATE OF THE WORLD
    I GET LONELY
    LETS WAIT AWHILE
    COME BACK TO ME
    ANYTIME, ANYPLACE
    SCREAM FEAT. MJ
    BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE FEAT. LUTHER V.
    I KNOW THE TRUTH FEAT. ELTON JOHN
    MAKE ME
    NOTHING
    CURTAINS
    DAYS GO BY
    ROLL WITCHU
    PLEASURE PRINCIPLE
    IF
    BECAUSE OF LOVE
    WHAT ABOUT
    VELVET ROPE
    THATS THE WAY LOVE GOES

    ETC..

    JANET BANK ACCOUNT SLAYS YOU UGLY! AND SO DOES HER TALENT.

    BTW JANET IS 43 YEARS OF AGE AND LOOKS 23! YOU UGLY APE!

  12. THIS PERSON WHO WROTE THIS ARTICAL HAS A PROBLEM!
    Avril NEVER EVER EVER CLAMED TO BE PUNK!
    Some person out there just gave her a nickname ‘punk princess” and it started spreading!
    and she can sing fine! listen to keep holding on….
    more than half of these singers can sing really good
    and there is a reason why they got multi platinum!

  13. the miley cyrus one makes sense, but britney, avril, janet, and madonna are the best singers ever! don’t write about music if you’re deaf.

  14. it amazes me how these so called “artists’ get ahead in the music biz.
    As a professional musician and recording engineer for over 20 years I never grasp the insanity as some of these chimps march into the recording studio, (straight from the rain forrest, ordering a Gin Tonic) believing they are God’s gift to us earthlings.

    There is quarter tonality in many advanced 20th century orchestral compositions as well as Indain music.
    These are time proven standards to our ears
    BUT: 99.997 of singers / song writers can’t sing a phrase that is in any of the tempered 12 keys known to western music.
    The songs they have ‘written’ (LOL) can’t even be interpreted by cutting edge correction software such as Autotune, Melodyne, myself or schools of other ‘relevant’ human ears splashing around the mixing console.
    Gobs of half ass rubbish falls from these mouths; they make my skin crawl. None of them ‘stars’ ever took lessons, bothered to practice, pick up an instrument etc. They believe a 3rd grade lovey dovey rhyme will make them a superstar as the technicians waive their magic wands.
    Unfortunately in cases such as Maidonna, Jay-Low, and Kinky West this went Yo Yo Shizzle Be-dizzle Jumbo Jump Oooh Yeah, pretty darn well. (with many ‘Thongs’ to boot)
    – the consumer is the dumbest sucker, sorry to say.
    I spend countless hours at the DAW picking vowels, samples and and snippets from one hundred lousy takes just to create one verse, (yet still sounds like shit)The process is followed by tons of manual pitch correction just so that correction softeare can identify which note to support for this wicked next so-called ‘radio ‘hit’. Think of a vision impaired patient who requires contacts just to see hi”s glasses.
    It makes me sick that this industry sells on sub par shit like this. – Did Miles Davis, Janis Joplin, John Williams or David Bowie just get out of bed every day, head over to the the recording plant and recon that they are gonna record music without any talent, technique or sacrifice whatsoever?
    Every dude in the band had to practice (even da drummer), take lessons, read books and work on his/her chops for years
    -but not the LEAD SINGER / ‘ARTIST’ !
    The most important element of a Pop/Rock track is dependent on the person who doesn’t even recognize “do-re-mi’ when played to him/her on the piano.
    I love it when Autotune goes bonkers (ala Cher) as I play the track back soloed to the ‘Artist’. I laugh even more when they come back the next day: “hey! that doesn;t sound like me! What the hell did you do to my precious vocals?” or: “wow I really kick ass, I am the ‘Chairman’ Sinatra!”

  15. AVRIL CAN SING! Like, please go look at her live before putting such crap up here. Yes, agree with the rest. Where’s Taylor Swift, Katy Perry???

    CRAP.

  16. [...] professional sports cheerleader of all time. Before she sold more than 50 million albums despite being not much of a singer, and sat as the mumbling and perpetually drunk/stoned judge of American Idol for eight seasons, she [...]

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