Top 10 Multi-Platinum Female Singers Who Can’t Really Sing
If there's one thing about the music industry that constantly rings true, it's the fact that a singer need not be a great one to sell millions of records. That's because a number of other factors kick in—beauty, mass appeal, style, hype, digital tricks, etc—and make people buy their albums, even though in reality, they probably are much more talented than their music idols.
Still, while some Hollywood actors who can sing may sound better than any of the artists listed below, they could only dream of the multiplatinum sales these singers have achieved.
10. Ashlee Simpson
Who could ever forget her 2004 lip-syncing performance on Saturday Night Live and at the 2005 Orange Bowl in Miami, Florida, where a crowd of 70,000 booed her off the stage? But while universally derided as having very little talent as a singer, Ashlee Simpson has sold more than 5 million albums worldwide, with her debut album "Autobigraphy" alone selling more than 3.5 million copies.
9. Miley Cyrus
The first time I bothered to listen to Miley Cyrus sing was during the 2008 installment of Idol Gives Back, and those two performances of hers made me wonder why the hell this 15-year-old has become so huge that mothers actually fake essays for their kids so they can score tickets to her show. Honestly, she's way better at taking slutty pictures of herself than she is at singing.
Then again, my opinion doesn't matter a whit: Cyrus has already sold more than 8.5 million albums worldwide as of January 2008.
8. Jessica Simpson
Although Jessica is considered the better singer in the Simpson family, that still isn't saying much. Her screaming singing voice can give one migraines, especially when she's trying to hit those high notes. Still, millions of people seem to love experiencing severe headaches because as of October 2008, 17.2 million of Jessica's records have already been sold.
7. Avril Lavigne
Sometimes, we actually wish that Avril Lavigne is a real punk rocker as she claims to be, because in punk music, brilliant singing voices aren't really a requirement. Sadly, she's a pop singer, and as a pop singer, she royally sucks, 30 million albums sold worldwide notwithstanding. Her album tracks are oh-so-obviously peppered with layer upon layer of digital magic, and when she sings live, she makes the audience want to pop their own eardrums.
6. Jennifer Lopez
There's no doubt that J.Lo can dance. But can she really sing? She can't, of course, but that didn't stop her from selling more than 48 million albums worldwide.
5. Paula Abdul
Paula Abdul is a lot of things, but a singer isn't one of them. She's one of those singers whose recordings need tons of digital manipulation to pass herself off as one. And she's actually succeeded in making people think she can actually carry a tune, as she has sold more than 53 million records to date. Then there's that little TV show called American Idol where she routinely judges other peoples' singing talents.
4. Britney Spears
Britney Spears sounds like a cat on the verge of death when she's singing, but people apparently find her style "sexy", and continue to buy her records. Her debut album, "...Baby One More Time", has already gone past the 25 million sales mark as of October 2008. All in all, she has sold an estimated 83 million records worldwide.
3. Janet Jackson
After selling over 100 million albums worldwide, Janet Jackson, who is like, 50, still sounds like a girl who has just discovered she has pubes whenever she sings. Her voice has remained teeny-weeny all these years she even manages to sound more girly-ish than her brother Michael Jackson. And that in itself is already quite a feat.
Cher is a good singer—that is, if she were a guy. Not only does she sing like a dude, she also has this way of producing that very masculine sound through the nose which makes her singing even scarier. However, her voice didn't scare buyers away, but instead drew them in, selling more than 180 million records in her over 40 years in the music business.
The fact that Andrew Lloyd Webber had to transpose down many of the songs in his musical Evita to ensure that Madonna hits them right in the 1996 film version is a testament to the singing talent, or lack thereof, of the woman who has been labeled by Guinness World Records as the world's most successful female recording artist of all time. Currently the richest woman in music, Madonna has sold more than 250 million records worldwide, and is still counting.
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