See what?

Somehow, I get this one.

Huh?

…or they’ll shred you to bits with their razor sharp, uh, leaves.

So humans can be transmitted. Sounds more like teleportation to me.

Somebody just invented a new English word.

Are we supposed address this prayer to Steve Jobs?

I’m not sure if the mind actually has a crotch, but I do know people whose crotches have minds of their own.

So I guess this is where they conceive knives?

(sound of head being scratched)

Actually, just the stress of figuring out what this sign is trying to say can probably bring on a heart attack or an aneurysm.

Not just your regular crap, but curled crap! Now that’s just special.

I don’t know where this is, but I’m moving there!

There goes political correctness.

Now I can get fit if I don’t spit!

I assure you, I’m not. Too much fat.

Here’s hoping the bird’s friend is a human female.

The women in this list are all very qualified to serve in that department.

What does “article” have anything to do with robbery anyways?

Looks like a case of “do as I say, not as I do”.

But while I loved the show, there a number of things about it that left me scratching my head even when I’m dandruff free.  As the show comes to an end next month after eight seasons, it’s only fitting that I list them, 24 of them to be exact. These will at least remind me not to miss the show so much when its trademark ticking goes silent and its digital clock finally winds down,  for good.

1. Jack Bauer’s cell phones have batteries that need no recharging whatsoever, not even after long / multiple calls or heavy media transmissions.

2. Jack Bauer doesn’t eat or drink.

3. Jack Bauer never takes a whizz.

4. Its habit of leaving the fate of certain important characters hanging in the air, like season 2 presidential advisor Lynne Kresge, season 4 terrorist spawn Behrooz Araz, Day 6 president Wayne Palmer,  and Martha Logan’s aide Evelyn Martin and his young daughter from season 5.

5. David Palmer is the second biggest jerk (next to Charles Logan) to ever become president, ordering a subordinate to kill himself because a terrorist asked him for it.

6. They killed off Michelle Dessler just when she was starting to show some skin. She was rockin’ pink spaghetti straps the morning she was blown to kingdom come, for chrissakes.

7. Speaking of hot women on the show, they just did what is probably the worst case of coitus interruptus on TV, with Renee Walker getting offed seconds after getting off with Jack Bauer.

8. They hand out immunity deals like they were lollipops to any hardcore terrorist who promises to “sing”, never mind if the guy killed a couple thousand Americans just a few hours ago.

9. Until recently, nobody, except for Chloe and a few other characters, ever believes or listens to Jack until it’s too late.

10. You’d think that Jack Bauer, who was imprisoned and tortured in China for almost two years before being  retrieved by the American government in time for Day 6, would at least show some signs of being traumatized by the ordeal. Instead, he got back into super agent mode in no time at all. But then again, HE IS Jack Bauer. Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.

11. Kim Bauer, the aforementioned stupid daughter, became an analyst at CTU.

12. Dennis Hopper as main season 1 bad guy Victor Drazen.

13. Heroin is one of the toughest drugs to kick, but Jack easily shrugged it off. Then again, see no. 10.

14. Tony Almeida making like Jesus Christ.

15. Tony Almeida becoming a villain, a hero, then a villain again in less than 24 hrs.

16. The White House assault and hostage situation staged by an African commando team.

17. Graem Bauer. Not that the actor was doing a bad job, but because he looked and talked just like an ex-boss of mine, and made me wanna punch a hole through his face and my TV every single time he appears onscreen with that dang Bluetooth.

18. David and Sherry Palmer are fairly good looking, which is why the fact that they produced a son who looks like Keith makes us question everything we’ve been taught about genetics.

19. Pilots are so good they could land big ass planes on narrow strips of road.

20. The ease at which enemies could plant moles inside the supposedly COUNTER-Terrorist Unit.

21. In season 8, everybody, from ex-cons to bounty hunters, seems to know where CTU is and are even allowed inside the premises.

22. Jack Bauer being able to do undercover work despite having his face plastered all over TV screens during the Senate hearings in season 7.

23. The charisma-challenged Wayne Palmer became president.

24. Jack’s “I give you my word”, which he breaks more often than he keeps, unintentionally or otherwise.

1. Custom Textbook Scam

What could be worse than a textbook company selling exorbitantly-priced textbooks to students? A school helping them do it, to their very own students. That is exactly the deal some schools have with textbook companies via the “custom textbook” ploy.

Here’s how it works: The textbook company takes a certain textbook, like the one pictured to the left, then “customize” it for a certain school. By “customize” we mean splashing the name of the school right across the top of the front cover, a few dozen pages inside describing that school’s program for that particular textbook’s subject, and a notice on the back that reads: “This book may not be bought or sold used.” Other than that, there’s not much difference between the customized version and the regular one sold outside the campus. Oh, there’s that little matter of the custom textbook having double the price tag of the regular version, but it’s all the same, right? Check out this WSJ report to see how the cover of Diana Hacker’s A Writer’s Reference looks like after the customization process.

2. Textbook Review Scam

Some textbook publishing companies go straight to the ones who actually require the students to use certain textbooks: the professors themselves. Textbook company North West Publishing did just that with Middle Tennessee State University history professor Jim Williams, when they offered him $2,500 to “review” one of its textbooks. As it turned out, they were asking Williams to do more than just say what he thinks about the book, which is priced at $70 at the campus bookstore. They were actually asking him to require his students to buy it, or he could forget about the money. And he’s not the only one who got this kind of an indecent proposal. More on this story here.

3. Los Angeles Unified School District Textbook Scam

In 2007, Matthias Vheru, a former Los Angeles Unified School District official, was arrested for allegedly issuing nearly $4 million in unauthorized textbook orders for a title he wrote.

Yes folks, he’s accused of using his position as a supervisor of the District’s Central Office Mathematics Department to buy $3.7 million worth of his own Algebra book for use in District classrooms. Can’t blame him, really. After all, the 20 percent cut stated in his deal with the publishing company netted him nearly $1 million in royalties and fees. Click here for more details on this case.

4. The Book Buyback Scam

Sure, many college bookstores would argue that buying a used book for half its original price tag is not a scam, but just a proper way of doing business, the operative word here being “used” and therefore has a depreciated value attached to it. Tell that to the millions of college students around the country who have sold barely-used textbooks to school bookstores and got paid as low as 10-15% of their books’ original cost for their efforts.

5. Purdue University Student’s Fraudulent Textbook Selling Scheme at Half.com

Nicholas Baptist, a former Purdue University student, allegedly opened 384 fake bank accounts for non-existent employees and used them to open 568 Half.com seller accounts, where buyers sent in over $5.3 million dollars as payment for textbooks they’ve “purchased”. He then allegedly wired the money to accounts he held in Singapore and Malaysia. A Malaysian national, Baptist has been charged with 12 counts of wire fraud. He has since been believed to have returned to his home country. DOJ details of this case here.

This article on textbook prices exposes some of the other reasons textbook costs are high and what you can do about it.

Now some of the sexist laws listed below may no longer be in place, and we’re not really sure which ones are still being strictly enforced today, but the fact that they did were put on the books not too long ago should make an American think twice about ranting against some countries, particularly in the Middle East, that don’t treat their women all that well. The US, after all, also has its share of unfair laws against women.

1. A woman caught adjusting her stockings in public in either Dennison,Texas or Bristol, Tennessee could get up to 12 months in the state penitentiary.

2. Michigan state law says women have to get their spouses’ permission to get their hair done because legally, their wives’ hair belong to them.

3. In New Mexico, women are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. The waxing business must be pretty good there.

4. In Owensboro, Kentucky, buying a new hat without her husband trying it on first is illegal.

5. In Tremonton, Utah, it is illegal to have sex while riding in an ambulance. Fair enough, except for the part where, if caught, only the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and “her name is to be published in the local newspaper”, while her partner won’t be charged and will remain anonymous.

6. In Vermont, It is illegal for women to wear false teeth without the written permission of their husbands.

7. It is illegal for women to wear pants in the city of Tucson, Arizona.

8. A special cleaning ordinance was issued in Pennsylvania that bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. No word on whether this applies to househusbands as well.

9. In Florida, a woman caught catching z’s while under a hair dryer in a salon will be subjected to a fine. The same goes for the salon owner as well.

10. Patent-leather shoes are a no-no for women in Cleveland, Ohio, for the reason that the shiny finish of the shoes could help a man catch a reflection of their more private parts, especially when they’re wearing skirts.

11. In Memphis, Tennessee, women can’t drive a car unless “a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists.”

12. In Maryland, a woman may not go through her husband’s pockets while he is sleeping.

13. Unless she is married, a woman is prohibited from parachuting on Sunday afternoons. Whatever being married or just being a woman has anything to do with parachuting is beyond anyone.

14. In Missouri, four women may not rent an apartment together.

15. A state law in Illinois dictates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

16. It is illegal for a lady to lift her skirt more than six inches while walking through a mud puddle in Michigan.

17. It is against the law in Oklahoma for females to do their own hair without getting a license from the state.

18. In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to call a man on a date.

19.  A woman in Oxford, Ohio is forbidden from taking her clothes off while standing in front of a man’s picture.

20.  An old (and hopefully repealed by now) law in Little Rock, Arkansas states that a man is legally allowed to beat his wife, but only when he uses a stick that is no more than three inches wide, and only once a month.

5. Most Raw Kidneys Eaten

Alice Caldwell of Butte, Montana, ate more than 14 pounds of raw veal and lamb kidneys on Oct 22, 1991.

4. Most Cow Brains Eaten in 15 Minutes

On February 12, 2002, Takeru Kobayashi wolfed down a total of 57 cow brains with a total weight of 17.7 pounds within 15 minutes. That’s enough mad cow disease to last him two lifetimes.

3. Most Semen Swallowed

Almost 2 pints of semen were pumped out of Michelle Monaghan’s stomach in July 1991. A hell of a gang bang it must have been.

2. Most Earthworms Eaten in 30 Seconds

Imagine a plateful of spaghetti with each single noodle squirming. That’s what two-hundred live earthworms, each measuring at least four inches long, probably looked like when they were swallowed by India’s C. Manoharan within 30 seconds. Manoharan, nicknamed “Snake Manu” for the “snake flossing” trick shown in the above photo, set this record on November 15, 2003 at Chennai City, Tamil Nadu, India.

1. Most Cockroaches Eaten In One Minute

“It’s like having an anesthetic at the back of the throat”. That’s how Ken Edwards of Glossop, Derbyshire, England describes what he feels every time he munches on cockroaches. He must have awfully numb then when he ate 36 cockroaches in one minute on the set of The Big Breakfast, London, England on March 5, 2001.

Image sources

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There have been, however, actual cases of sex and death that are decidedly more bizarre and gruesome than your usual cardiac arrest. And probably more painful too. But then again, the fact that they died in the throes of ecstasy already guarantees that they’ve already gone to heaven, whether their souls are actually headed there or not.

1.  For Jose Agustin Noh, working at a funeral home had its benefits, namely, access to facilities that normal people wouldn’t dare imagine to have sex in, like hearses, for instance. But unfortunately for him and his girlfriend, Ana Maria Camara Suarez, their tryst inside a hearse ended in tragedy when carbon monoxide snuffed out their lives while they were sleeping their sex session off. As it turned out, the couple from Campeche, Mexico left the motor running in order to have air conditioning.

2. Kirsten Taylor, a 29-year-old woman from Pennsylvania, died when her husband Toby clipped an electrical cord to her and plugged it into a power strip which he then turned on and off during a night of bizarre sex, which apparently was a usual thing for the couple. No word on whether or not Mr. Taylor was plugged into his wife as he shocked her to death.

3. A couple in Namibia were killed when an all-terrain vehicle and a truck ran them over as they were lying on the road. The driver of the truck claims the two were having sex right there in the middle of the road, “a typical example of people indulging in alcohol”, he says. See, sex and alcohol really don’t mix.

4. Here’s a real-life case of a man screwing a woman to death-literally. Robert Ashitey, a 30-year-old man from Aflao, Ghana, is one really horny dude. He didn’t realize his partner, a 75-year-old woman named Suametor Denou, had already died in the middle of their grueling sex bout, and continued pounding her hard. A woman who apparently takes care of the poor old lady had walked in on the scene and screamed at Ashitey to stop, but he continued going at it anyway. She had to whack him on the forehead with a stick to make him stop.

5. We’ve heard of thrill-seeking couples having sex in the most dangerous of places, but no one were as daring as Mduduzi Michael Bandezi and Sibongile Radebe, a couple who decided to go at it on a supposedly unused railway in South Africa and were promptly crushed by a freight train. The train driver repeatedly hooted but to no avail, as the two “continued with their business”.

It is interesting to note that Mr. Bandezi’s half-naked body was found with a condom still on. Good to know he practiced safe sex.

6. Brent Tyler and Chelsea Tumbleston, both 21, fell 50 feet to their deaths from the rooftop of a building in Columbia, South Carolina. A cabbie found their naked bodies on the street, and subsequent police investigation revealed clothing was discovered on the roof, strongly suggesting the two were engaged in some mile-high, in this case 50-foot-high, club activity.

7. A man was killed after getting sodomized by a horse at a ranch in Enumclaw, Washington in July 2005. The man, whose colon and other lower organs were ruptured as a result of the fatal sex act, was actually a client of a bestiality ring that catered to men who wanted sex with animals.

Sources

GoofBall NewsAu Namibian GhanaWeb SMH FirstCoastNews News24

Throw in an Uzi and the costume will be complete.

On the surface, this costume is cute, until you realize it pushes the tastelessness envelope because parents are actually making fun of the baby’s normal bodily functions, and basically labels their kids as fart machines. And, whoopie cushions are supposed to be sat on.

A kid dressed as Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, or any of the usual fantastical horror movie creatures is cute. Some child looking like an all-too-real evil doctor who experiments on or butchers people in the name of “science” is just plain sick.

What kind of parents would want to see their children with killer aliens bursting out of their chests?

There is something wrong with you if you think dressing an unsuspecting toddler up as Adolf Hitler is cute.

This costume is wrong on so many levels, but let’s focus on the most obvious one: this is the sluttiest of the myriad slutty Halloween costumes that retailers are now peddling for kids. When was the last time you’ve seen anyone wear a French maid’s costume on tv or in movies or in magazines with no sexual overtones attached?

Words fail me.

Image sources

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Whatever they’re selling here, it’s not working.

Peter North and Ron Jeremy, errr, come here often.

Thankfully, the owner of this store is one terrible speller.

What the store’s name has to do with its merchandise is a mystery not even a rocket scientist could solve.

That is one hot and electrifying ass.

Let’s hope this wanko doesn’t spray all over the women’s clothing it sells.

Now that is one tempting offer.

Kim Kardashian probably knows what dick liquor tastes like.

Don’t believe what you saw on Showtime. This is Seymore Butts’ real Family Business.

My wang is newer and bigger than yours.

And what if the owner of this inn was only five-foot-one and weighs 100 lbs?

This is where Paris Hilton and her fellow skanks buy their booze.

The guy who put up this sign must really hate the Chinese people that much.

Beavis and Butthead are dead, but this liquor store keeps their memory alive.

Not only is the owner a master baiter, but a master word player as well.

Many stores are dumps, but this one’s actually A Dump.

Get your knobs and knockers polished here.

We’ll take your word for it.

We could only hope this store’s a no smoking one.

Can this store get any subtler?

Borat would be comfortable shopping here.

Image sources

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The fact is, while most presidents have led quite noteworthy lives, their First Ladies are just as interesting. Here are some fascinating facts about U.S. First Ladies.

1. While Martha Washington is technically the first U.S. First Lady, the first presidential wife to bear the title to widespread recognition was Lucy Ware Webb Hayes, wife of Rutherford B. Hayes, the 19th president. It was given to her when Mary Clemmer Ames called Hayes the “First Lady” in her column “Woman’s Letter from Washington” for the New York City Independent.

2. Abigail Adams may be the 2nd First Lady of the United States, but she was the first First Lady to live in the White House, although it was still unfinished by the time she and President John Adams moved in.

3. Frances Folsom Cleveland was the youngest First Lady. She was 21 when she married the 49-year-old President Grover Cleveland on June 2, 1886 in a wedding ceremony that also subsequently became the first ever Presidential wedding in the White House. She was also the first First Lady to give birth in the White House.

4. Edith Wilson, second wife of Woodrow Wilson, was a direct descendant of Pocahontas.

5. Louisa Adams, wife of President John Quincy Adams, was the only foreign-born first lady. She was born in London, England in 1775.

6. Ironically, Julia Grant, wife of top Union general and 18th U.S. president Ulysses Grant, continued to own slaves while her husband was in service during the Civil War. She was also cross-eyed.

7. Abigail Adams and Barbara Bush are the only first ladies to be both a president’s wife and the mother of a president. Adams was the wife of 2nd president John Adams and mother of John Quincy Adams, while Bush is wife and mother to George H.W. Bush and current U.S. president George W. Bush, respectively.

8. Lou Hoover, wife of 31st president Herbert Hoover, was said to have continued playing solitaire even after a shell blew out her door during the Boxer Rebellion in China, where her husband was then working as an engineer for a private corporation.

9. Eleven women who were not married to a sitting president have been considered as First Ladies and dutifully performed the functions of one. They are: Martha Jefferson Randolph, Dolley Madison, Emily Donelson, Sarah Yorke Jackson, Angelica Singleton Van Buren, Jane Irwin Harrison, Priscilla Cooper Tyler, Harriet Lane, Mary Arthur McElroy, Rose Cleveland and Mary Harrison McKee.

10. Julia Tyler, President John Tyler’s wife, was the one who first requested that “Hail to the Chief”, now the official anthem of the President of the United States, be played whenever a president made an appearance.

11. Anna Harrison never got to live in the White House because her husband, President William Henry Harrison, died before she could move in. An illness detained her at their home in North Bend, Ohio, and caused her to miss her husband’s inauguration. When she was finally well and was packing for her move to the White House, the president died, exactly a month after his inauguration.

12. Florence Harding and Betty Ford were both divorcees when they married Warren Harding and Gerald Ford respectively.

13. Jane Pierce was known for wearing only black clothes, a practice she began when she and President Franklin Pierce lost their son two months before the latter’s inauguration, and did so every day for the rest of her life.

14. Eleanor Roosevelt was actually related to her husband, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Her father was FDR’s fifth cousin, and President Thedore Roosevelt, another fifth cousin of FDR’s, was also Eleanor’s uncle.

15. Jacqueline Kennedy is the only First Lady to win an Emmy award, snagging one for her television tour of the White House in 1962.

16. Bess Truman, Lady Bird Johnson and Betty Ford are the only former First Ladies to reach the age of 90. Truman was 97 when she died in 1982, while Johnson was 94 when she passed on in 2007. Ninety-year-old Ford, on the other hand, is currently the oldest surviving former White House occupant.

17. Pat Nixon was the first U.S. First Lady to wear pants in public.

18. Just like her husband, Nancy Reagan was an actor, and appeared in eight films before marrying then-Screen Actors Guild president Ronald Reagan in 1952. She subsequently appeared in three more movies before retiring from show business for good.

19. As far as U.S. First Ladies go, Hillary Rodham Clinton is perhaps the one with the most number of individual accomplishments tucked under her belt. She is the only First Lady to earn a law degree, win a Grammy Award, become a senator, and come close to becoming the first ever woman nominated by a major party for President of the United States.

20. Laura Bush is the only First Lady to give birth to twins. She also has the distinction of being the first person other than a president to deliver the weekly presidential radio address, a feat she accomplished in November 2001.

Would’ve been fine if someone hadn’t squeezed the word “only” in.

Whoever made this sign warning people of trolls probably had been watching too much Harry Potter and/or Lord of the Rings, or is just a big fan of the Olsen twins.

They could’ve done this sign in Braille and it would be just as useless.

Thanks for the reminder.

This is the reason why cell phones were invented.

Just in case you mistake this escalator for something else.

Yeah, everyone’s a daredevil and would jump off from there.

Oh yeah?

People living here must be really, really stupid, because authorities had to make multiple copies of the same sign, put all of them a meter or so apart, so they can repeatedly warn people not to turn left in a place where making a left turn is physically impossible.

Ahh, so that’s what a toilet bowl is actually for.

No shit.

Not really stupid if everyone there is colorblind.

Really, now.

Maybe everyone here’s in the habit of touching signs, hence the warning.

Utterly pointless, because no one has any idea what it says.

Someone just spent precious tax dollars to put up a sign warning people about a traffic intersection that’s practically just right in front of their faces

Yeah, this one’s true, unless you happen to be driving one of those amphibious vehicles we’ve seen in countless war movies.

Beware of suicidal cows.

What’s disturbing about this sign is that it’s apparently addressed to the rabbits in bright yellow clothing that regularly pass through those doors.

Image sources

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