1. The Smell

Unless the disaster that will end our world is a huge solar flare that will give new meaning to the phrase “scorched earth”, there will be hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of survivors all over the world. On the other side of the coin will be BILLIONS of dead and rotting bodies, both animal and human. And if zombies are walking the planet, the smell would be exponentially worse. Not even industrial strength Lysol would suffice to wipe the stink away for eons to come.

2. Food and Water Shortages

Comets, asteroids, nuclear weapons, an alien invasion, the shifting of the Earth’s crust or a deluge worthy of Noah are all cataclysms that involve massive destruction of property, infrastructure, and food and water supplies. No sense surviving the initial impact only to die, extremely painfully at that, of starvation and dehydration a short time later.
A zombie apocalypse, on the other hand, tends to keep malls and grocery shops intact even as billions of people become the walking dead or end up as food for the walking dead. That means lots of canned goods and other processed foods for survivors who are lucky or smart enough to hole up in a shopping mall or a supermarket. That, however, leads directly to…

3. Dying of a heart attack or stroke from eating canned goods regularly

Canned goods are a good source of sodium, but sodium, when taken in excess, increases blood pressure and puts anyone at risk for a heart attack or a stroke. And eating canned goods three times daily for their typical two-year duration surely qualifies as taking in excessive sodium, don’t you think?

4. Being made a sex slave by marauding gangs

We all know the cliché about bad situations bringing out the worst in people. The problem is, this is one cliché that has proven to be true throughout history. And an apocalypse will be worse, as all bets would be off then. Forget law and order; it’s human decency that would be flushed down the toilet should the apocalypse come. Murder and rape would become a part of everyday life, because, let’s face it, there really are people in this world who get off on that sort of thing. Imagine those people coming together to form a gang and roaming around hunting for survivors. No one would want to end up like those women in Stephen King’s The Stand where the bad guys run a length of barbed wire across their vajayjays just for kicks.

5. No Electricity

No more TV, computers, video games, A/C, movies and ice cold beer. Again, power plants would probably still be operational after a zombie or virus apocalypse, but who will be left to run them? We’ll have a meltdown faster than you can say “tsunami”.

6. No More Sports

The NFL, MLB, NHl and the NBA will be gone, and so will be the cheerleaders who, for a lot of people, are the only reason they watch games live in the first place. No more LeBron James to hate, and no more Maria Sharapova upskirts. Taking its place will be death matches where food or other supplies are offered up as prizes. Now that would be a neat idea, if only it would have TV coverage, but electricity would be a thing of the past by then, so no dice.

7. No More Porn

‘Nuff said.

8. No Internet

Facebook, Google+, YouTube and gossip blogs will all be but a memory. If anyone out there’s actually having an end-of-the world bash at any predicted Ground Zero sites, count me in for front row tickets.

9. Not Knowing Who “The Mother” is In How I Met Your Mother

If the apocalypse pushes through on December 21, 2012 as that ancient calendar and millions of other doomsayers predicted, then How I Met Your Mother will have just started its projected eighth and final season by then, and the identity of the mother will not have been revealed just yet, before the world as we know it ends. Unless Neil Patrick Harris survives and you bump into him leading one of those marauding gangs mentioned above or something.

10. No More Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black…

…On second thought, THIS might be a good enough reason to try to survive an apocalypse after all!

There are just too many things wrong with Transformers: Dark of the Moon that they can actually be desensitizing, especially when the entire Internet is filled with nothing but loathing for it. So, for the sake of positivity, which my shrink says I need loads of, I’m listing the things that I actually DID LIKE about the movie, terrible filmmaking notwithstanding.

For those fortunate enough not to have seen the latest (and thankfully, THE LAST) Transformers movie yet but are still planning to go, some SPOILERS AHEAD.

1. Alan Tudyk

Sci-fi TV and Joss Whedon fave Tudyk plays John Turturro’s effete assistant Dutch, who for the briefest of moments channels his character Alpha from the now-cancelled series Dollhouse and transforms into a badass.

2. People are actually getting offed onscreen

Sure, there were some deaths in the first two movies, but this is actually the first time you see people actually bite it, when they get vaporized instantly a la War of the Worlds as Decepticons hit them with direct fire.

3. Rosie Huntington-Whitely

A supermodel with the acting talent of the runway she regularly sashays on, she is, for me, actually hotter than Megan Fox. Kinda reminds me of a young Cameron Diaz in The Mask.

4. The special effects. Duh.

5. Ken Jeong

Whether he’s playing a medieval live action RPG king or a naked Chinese gangster locked in a car trunk, Jeong will always be a hoot, even when his few minutes in this movie ended when he was shoved by a Decepticon through an office window and onto the pavement a few hundred or so feet below.

6. Patrick Dempsey as a bad guy

And a really bad bad guy at that, because McDreamy’s selling everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, out to the Decepticons.

7. That random wind-blown newspaper that smacked Patrick Dempsey right in the face as he was monologuing.

8. The chance for a nap

This movie was extremely DULL in certain stretches that I actually found myself catching much-needed zzzs inside the theater.

How about you? Got anything nice to say about DOTM?

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Almost every single pro sports team has its own group of cheerleaders. Over the years, a number of its members have gone on to become famous. Some of the ten listed below have become familiar faces, while some are outright household names.

1. Paula Abdul

She is without doubt the most successful former professional sports cheerleader of all time. Before she sold more than 50 million albums despite being not much of a singer, and sat as the mumbling and perpetually drunk/stoned judge of American Idol for eight seasons, she was a Laker Girl, and was even its head choreographer for years.

2. Teri Hatcher

If you’ve wondering where Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher got those moves she does in Tango and Cash, here’s your answer: She was a member of the San Francisco 49ers cheering squad. Before that, she shook her pom-poms for her high school, and was even named most likely to become a Solid Gold Dancer. She didn’t of course, but instead became a solid gold TV star.

3. Sarah Shahi

Amid a disappointing season, Sarah Shahi gave Dallas Cowboys fans something to cheer about. From 1999-2000, she was a member of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, arguably the best known of all NFL cheerleading squads. She appeared on the cover of the DCC’s calendar before moving to Hollywood, where she eventually became one of the most beautiful faces on television today. She starred in the now-defunct NBC drama series Life, and is currently playing the lead in Fairly Legal, a legal drama airing on the USA Network.

4. Charisma Carpenter

Before she made jaws drop as Sunnydale High’s resident shallow cheerleader Cordelia Chase in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charisma Carpenter was a cheerleader for the San Diego Chargers in 1991, just before she moved to Los Angeles to embark on a Hollywood career.

5. Trista Sutter

Trista Sutter holds some sort of record in the history of reality TV for starring in the first seasons of both The Bachelor and its companion show, The Bachelorette. Known as Trista Rehn then, she was one of the final two contestants of the former, while she was chosen as the star of the latter. In both shows, it was very apparent that she had one hot body, obviously honed by her stint as a Miami Heat Dancer. Her televised wedding to The Bachelorette winner Ryan Sutter drew more than 26 million viewers, one of the biggest audiences for a reality TV show.

6. Stacy Keibler

Pro wrestling fans have long worshipped Stacy Keibler for her unusually long legs. Pro football fans from Baltimore, however, have had first crack at those lovely gams as she pepped them up as a member of the Baltimore Ravens Cheerleaders.

7. Kiana Tom

Former Oakland Raiderette Kiana Tom became famous for her ESPN fitness series, Kiana’s Flex Appeal. She continued to build on her reputation as a fitness guru by starring in other ESPN produced shows Kiana’s Too Fit 2 Quit, Summer Sizzle with Kiana & Hot Summer Nights with Kiana. She is also an actress, starring alongside Jean-Claude Van Damme in Universal Soldier: The Return.

8. Kristin Adams

Yet another Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader makes this list in the person of Kristin Adams née Holt. Her first shot at fame was in the first season of American Idol, where she was a semi-finalist. She later became a correspondent for the show, a job which would prove to be quite useful in her future endeavors. She blossomed into a good host, and G4 TV wasted no time in hiring her as host of Cheat!, a show where video game cheats and strategies are featured and discussed. She also currently co-hosts the USA Network show Character Fantasy.

9. Lisa Guerrero

Back when Los Angeles had two professional football teams, Lisa Guerrero was a cheerleader for the LA Rams, before the franchise moved to St. Louis. Currently one of the top sportscasters in the United States, she is most famous for her stint on The Best Damn Sports Show Period on Fox Sports. She’s also an actress, appearing in movies such as Batman Returns and Fire Down Below.

10. Bonnie-Jill Laflin

Bonnie-Jill Laflin was a cheerleader not just for one team of one sport, but for three different teams of two different sports. Before she became the NBA’s hottest, first ever and only female scout working for the Los Angeles Lakers front office, she was a cheerleader for the Golden State Warriors, the San Francisco 49ersand the Dallas Cowboys. Aside from currently holding a top position in one of professional sports’ most legendary franchises, she is also an actress, model and soon-to-be reality star, with a reality show based on her successful career in the male-dominated world of professional sports.

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But I still believe James will get his rings. At 26, he still has a dozen or so years’ worth of shots at the Larry O’Brien trophy. However, James needs more than just pure talent to win. He needs all the positive vibes he can get, and he won’t be getting any of that anytime soon, what with more than half the world wanting him to lose. Whether LeBron admits it or not, his performance has been affected by all the hate, that he actually wants to be liked. Here are some of the things he can do to actually get there.

1. Apologize for “The Decision”

This is where all of LeBron’s major troubles actually started. While people completely understand it was within his right to play for any team he chooses, dumping an entire city that worshipped him for seven years in such a tasteless and self-serving manner, on a live TV special no less, made everyone, even those who didn’t really care much about basketball, hate him.

An admission that the entire thing was a mistake and a sincere apology to Cleveland, the NBA and its fans will go a long way in restoring people’s respect and faith in him. And please, spare us the “It’s for the kids” excuse.

2. Fire Maverick Carter

“The Decision” wasn’t his idea, but it was Carter who gave his biggest client the go-signal to proceed with one of the biggest PR disasters in sports history. Since then, James’ agent has done nothing but orchestrate for James one boneheaded move after another, from coaching him to play the race card with regards to the negative response “The Decision” got, to commercials that seem to spit in Cleveland’s face. For an agent who’s supposed to be moving heaven and earth for his number one client, Carter is surely not doing his childhood friend any favors in the PR department.

3. Take Head Out of Sphincter, Then Speak

Recent case in point: his post-Finals presscon where he practically told everyone who didn’t root for him that their lives will still suck the following morning, and he’d still be living the life of a multi-millionaire sports superstar. He probably didn’t mean for his words to be interpreted that way, but athletes of James’ talents and stature need to learn to be more tactful. Whether he likes it or not, James’ words will always be overanalyzed, which is why he really needs to be schooled in the subtle art of talking to the media.

4. Stop flopping. If not possible, at least make sure there’s a bit of contact before falling down

LeBron didn’t invent flopping, but he’s one of the best at selling them. Think of the flops he did against 2011 MVP Derrick Rose in the Eastern Conference Finals and Brendan Haywood in the NBA Finals. There was practically no contact in both cases, yet he acted like he was hit by a freight train every single time, and got the whistle. The problem is, his Oscar-winning flops are not winning him more fans, just more haters. He also pissed Jeff Van Gundy off, who was right to rant about the Haywood flop, especially when it’s coming from a player as gifted as James.

5. Grow Up

Before Game 5 of the NBA Finals, Wade and James hammed it up for the TV cameras by imitating Dirk Nowitzki’s coughing throughout the previous game, with the latter covering his mouth with his shirt, just like the eventual Finals MVP did during the post Game 4 press conference. Apparently, the fact that they’re a decade removed from high school slipped their minds. This, plus many other childish shenanigans in the past, has solidified LeBron’s reputation as a spoiled and immature brat. It’s time for LeBron to grow up fast and be the role model that he’s supposed to be.

6. Shelve the WWE-Worthy Antics

The chalk toss. That entrance on a forklift for his welcome party almost a year ago. All that dancing and preening on court during a game. Talking about himself in the third person. It’s the NBA dammit, not the WWE. Some find these antics cute, but most find them extremely annoying.

7. Enough Whining

For someone who earns more than $48 million a year, LeBron sure whines a lot. From the rough play in the NBA to his playing minutes, James has been acting like a baby about all of it. He should just shut up and play basketball, a sport that he’s supposed to be the best at.

8. Go to a tattoo removal clinic and obliterate that “CHOSEN1” tattoo

Who chose him for what anyway? That tattoo, along with that ridiculous royal title he’s been lugging around since God-knows-when, is a lightning rod of criticism and ridicule. It never is a good idea to brag about something without backing it up. Sure, he has won two MVPs, but individual accolades pale in comparison to an NBA title, which is kinda the point of the whole thing, isn’t it?

9. Actually Lead The Miami Heat To An NBA title

If he wants to be spared the pain of tattoo removal, then he must lead the Heat to a championship in the next few years or so. Emphasis on LEAD, because anything less than that, like playing second fiddle to Dwayne Wade doesn’t really count, not with his otherworldly skills. Unless he wants “CHOSEN1” to be interpreted as “Wade’s chosen bitch”.

10. And if he can’t win one, ever, at least show the world that he did everything within his immense power to win, and that he never quit.

This is how many NBA greats who never won a championship did it. So there’s no shame in belonging to that esteemed albeit unfortunate list.

It’s Holy Week and for Christians, it’s supposed to be time for some self-reflection and asking for forgiveness, but for the tattoo artists, those who wear these zombie Jesus tattoos, and this writer, it’ll probably take more than just one week of atonement to be forgiven for this.

To be perfectly honest, there are even worse Jesus tattoos out there. Posting them here would probably earn me a one-way ticket to someplace a lot warmer, thank you, so I decided not to. Posting pictures of zombie Jesus tattoos below is already worth a trip to Purgatory, which probably isn’t so bad.

Luckily for these people and I, Christians today aren’t as bloodthirsty as those from five hundred or so years ago. Or we would have known the joy of being hung upside down and vertically sawed in half from the crotch up.

In case you didn’t notice, there were no stupid comments for each picture. Despite evidence to the contrary, this writer is not stupid. No sir, at least not stupid enough to make fun of an image billions of people revere.

Image sources

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It’s understandable that some people don’t think much of Valentine’s Day, but this is just too much.

1. St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

“Mob” is often synonymous with “murder”, and that has been proven so especially true in this case. On Valentine’s Day of 1929, seven sharply-dressed men were lined up against a wall of the S.M.C Cartage Co. garage and were shot dead execution-style. These men, with the exception of one, were all working under “Bugs” Moran, notorious gangster and bootlegger. They were all likely murdered by men working for Al Capone, Moran’s bitter rival gang lord.

2. Woman Beaten to Death on V-Day

Believing Heather Rose Simons to be coming on to her partner, 44-year-old Ana Andrea Hemara beat her neighbor to death inside her own home on V-Day 2009. Hemara started by punching Simons in the head, then pulled her from her chair and continued the beat down. As a finishing touch, Hemara stomped on the head and body of her victim. Simons, who was suffering from cerebral palsy, died two days later.

3. Abortionist Ends Wife’s Life With A Blunt Object

John Baxter Hamilton, who operated an abortion facility in Oklahoma, chose Valentine’s Day 2001 to strangle his wife Susan with a necktie, hit her with a blunt object, and repeatedly slam her face onto the marble floor of their bathroom. He was convicted of her murder and was subsequently handed down a life sentence without the possibility of parole.

4. Columbine High School Sweethearts Shot

Less than a year after the Columbine High School massacre, the school’s students found themselves grieving for classmates once more, when high school sweethearts Nicholas Kunselman, 15 and Stephanie Hart-Grizzell, 16, were shot dead on February 14, 2000 inside a Subway shop located a few blocks south of the ill-fated school. Police say the murders were drug-related.

5. Husband Cuts Wife Into Pieces

In one of the most gruesome examples of V-Day violence, Stephen Grant, a stay-at-home dad living in a Detroit suburb, strangled his wife Tara, a successful businesswoman, to death on February 9, 2007. To hide her body, he cut it into fourteen pieces as their kids were sleeping. To make things more interesting, he filed a missing person report with the police on Valentine’s Day. When questioned by police, he accused his wife of abandoning him and their children. He then spent the better part of two weeks granting interviews with the media and claiming that the police is harassing him, and that he is innocent of any wrongdoing.

6. Houston Man Shot Dead As He Slept

William Thompson 45, was shot dead in his home allegedly by a 21-year acquaintance named Thaxton Johnson. Police say that Johnson intended to rob the victim, who was fast asleep when he was shot in the early hours of February 14, 2010.

7. Another Black Widow Case

Richard Schoeck, a resident of Snelville, Georgia, was waiting for his wife Stacey in a remote park to, of all things, exchange Valentine’s Day cards, when someone shot and killed the 45-year-old cub scout master on V-Day last year. Some time later, Stacey Schoeck and two others were charged with malice murder. The case is still ongoing.

8. Valentine’s Day Murder-Suicide

In the early hours of February 14, 2009 in the city of Granger, Washington, two lovers, Salvador Ramirez and Eliva Antunez Roman, were found dead with gunshot wounds to the head. Police first found the body of Roman inside a tavern, apparently killed by Ramirez. They later found Ramirez dead inside his residence, and they surmised that he turned the gun on himself.

9. Teenager Opens Door to Death

Fifteen-year-old Billy Cox of Clapham, London was shot dead inside his home on Valentine’s Day 2007. Police suspect the victim knew the assailant, as he apparently let the perpetrator inside the house. Five men have been arrested in connection with the murder, but all five were released without any charges filed.

10. Cleveland’s Valentine’s Day Massacre

A Valentine’s Day massacre also took place in Cleveland on Valentine’s Day 1999 when 19-year-old Cayci Higgins, 30-year-old Dawn Rogers and 18-year-old O.J. Blair were shot dead as they knelt on the floor of a Cleveland apartment, with their hands bound behind their backs. Blair’s cousin Twanna was also shot, but was later charged as a conspirator in the murders. A suspect, Maurice Johnson was arrested in connection with the massacre. He was eventually convicted and sentenced to three consecutive life terms.

Sources

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History has proven that just about anyone can be a rapist. The news is often replete with stories of fathers raping their daughters, friendly neighbors brutally attacking the girl next door, etc. In the same vein, anyone can also become a victim. Just like these murdered celebrities, these famous women are a testament that heinous crimes can happen to just about anyone.

1. Billie Holiday

One of the most influential jazz artists of all time, Billie Holiday was molested at the age of 10. A few years later, she was raped by a neighbor named Wilbert Rich, who was caught in the act by the singer’s mother. The rapist was thrown in jail, but only spent three months there.

2. Fiona Apple

When she was 12, Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Apple was raped just outside her family’s house. Her traumatic experience was subtly referenced in the song “Sullen Girl”.

3. Fran Drescher

The star of the defunct sitcom “The Nanny” was brutally raped in 1985 by two armed robbers that broke into the apartment she was sharing with her husband, Peter Marc Jacobson, who was beaten up and made to witness the entire ordeal. It took her many years to recover from the rape.

4. Oprah Winfrey

Oprah may be the one of the world’s richest and most powerful women today, but her childhood was, for lack of a better word, pure hell. On top of the poverty she was born into, she was also raped at the age of nine.

5. Kelly McGillis

In 1982, the star of “Top Gun” and a female friend, who she later admitted to have been her lesbian lover at the time, suffered a brutal sexual assault. Two young men broke into McGillis’ New York apartment, tied the two women up and threatened to beat them to death, and raped them both at knifepoint. This ordeal served as her motivation when she played the prosecutor who sent the rapists of Jodie Foster’s character to jail in “The Accused”.

6. Gabrielle Union

When she was 19, “Bring It On” actress Gabrielle Union was beaten and raped at gunpoint while working a part time job at a shoe store. The brutal rape and beating took place in 1992, years before Hollywood beckoned.

7. Connie Francis

Singer Connie Francis was attacked right at the motel where she was staying while performing at a music festival in New York in 1974. Her room at the Howard Johnson’s Lodge was broken into by a still unidentified assailant, a fact which was instrumental to her winning a multimillion dollar judgment in the case she subsequently filed against the motel chain for failing to provide adequate security. She was so traumatized by the rape that she did not perform again for seven years.

8. Teri Hatcher

“Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher confessed to Vanity Fair in March 2006 that she was a victim of sexual abuse by Richard Hayes Stone, an uncle by marriage. Her ordeal started at the age of five, and went on for several years. She never spoke publicly of the rape until she learned that a recent victim of Stone’s committed suicide at the age of 14. Hatcher assisted prosecutors with their indictment of Stone, who later pleaded guilty and was eventually sentenced to 14 years in jail. She is now actively involved in encouraging other rape victims to come forward and stop blaming themselves.

9. Maya Angelou

Celebrated autobiographer and poet Maya Angelou was eight when her mother’s boyfriend raped her. Unlike many rape victims, she readily told the rest of her family about her ordeal. Although the rapist, a Mr. Freeman, was eventually found guilty, his stay in prison lasted all of a single day. But justice outside the justice system was swift. Four days after he was released from prison, Freeman was found dead, apparently kicked to death by the poet’s uncles.

10. Tori Amos

Singer Tori Amos was raped at knifepoint by a male fan who asked her for a ride after a performance. Her suffering lasted for hours, with her attacker constantly telling her that he would bring her to his friends and cut her up. Amos says, “I survived that torture, which left me urinating all over myself and left me paralyzed for years.”.
Her ordeal served as the inspiration behind her song “Me and A Gun, while the very powerful song “Silent All These Years” has become associated with the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN ), a toll-free help line in the US for abuse victims that Amos cofounded in 1994.

Sources

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See what?

Somehow, I get this one.

Huh?

…or they’ll shred you to bits with their razor sharp, uh, leaves.

So humans can be transmitted. Sounds more like teleportation to me.

Somebody just invented a new English word.

Are we supposed address this prayer to Steve Jobs?

I’m not sure if the mind actually has a crotch, but I do know people whose crotches have minds of their own.

So I guess this is where they conceive knives?

(sound of head being scratched)

Actually, just the stress of figuring out what this sign is trying to say can probably bring on a heart attack or an aneurysm.

Not just your regular crap, but curled crap! Now that’s just special.

I don’t know where this is, but I’m moving there!

There goes political correctness.

Now I can get fit if I don’t spit!

I assure you, I’m not. Too much fat.

Here’s hoping the bird’s friend is a human female.

The women in this list are all very qualified to serve in that department.

What does “article” have anything to do with robbery anyways?

Looks like a case of “do as I say, not as I do”.

But while I loved the show, there a number of things about it that left me scratching my head even when I’m dandruff free.  As the show comes to an end next month after eight seasons, it’s only fitting that I list them, 24 of them to be exact. These will at least remind me not to miss the show so much when its trademark ticking goes silent and its digital clock finally winds down,  for good.

1. Jack Bauer’s cell phones have batteries that need no recharging whatsoever, not even after long / multiple calls or heavy media transmissions.

2. Jack Bauer doesn’t eat or drink.

3. Jack Bauer never takes a whizz.

4. Its habit of leaving the fate of certain important characters hanging in the air, like season 2 presidential advisor Lynne Kresge, season 4 terrorist spawn Behrooz Araz, Day 6 president Wayne Palmer,  and Martha Logan’s aide Evelyn Martin and his young daughter from season 5.

5. David Palmer is the second biggest jerk (next to Charles Logan) to ever become president, ordering a subordinate to kill himself because a terrorist asked him for it.

6. They killed off Michelle Dessler just when she was starting to show some skin. She was rockin’ pink spaghetti straps the morning she was blown to kingdom come, for chrissakes.

7. Speaking of hot women on the show, they just did what is probably the worst case of coitus interruptus on TV, with Renee Walker getting offed seconds after getting off with Jack Bauer.

8. They hand out immunity deals like they were lollipops to any hardcore terrorist who promises to “sing”, never mind if the guy killed a couple thousand Americans just a few hours ago.

9. Until recently, nobody, except for Chloe and a few other characters, ever believes or listens to Jack until it’s too late.

10. You’d think that Jack Bauer, who was imprisoned and tortured in China for almost two years before being  retrieved by the American government in time for Day 6, would at least show some signs of being traumatized by the ordeal. Instead, he got back into super agent mode in no time at all. But then again, HE IS Jack Bauer. Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.

11. Kim Bauer, the aforementioned stupid daughter, became an analyst at CTU.

12. Dennis Hopper as main season 1 bad guy Victor Drazen.

13. Heroin is one of the toughest drugs to kick, but Jack easily shrugged it off. Then again, see no. 10.

14. Tony Almeida making like Jesus Christ.

15. Tony Almeida becoming a villain, a hero, then a villain again in less than 24 hrs.

16. The White House assault and hostage situation staged by an African commando team.

17. Graem Bauer. Not that the actor was doing a bad job, but because he looked and talked just like an ex-boss of mine, and made me wanna punch a hole through his face and my TV every single time he appears onscreen with that dang Bluetooth.

18. David and Sherry Palmer are fairly good looking, which is why the fact that they produced a son who looks like Keith makes us question everything we’ve been taught about genetics.

19. Pilots are so good they could land big ass planes on narrow strips of road.

20. The ease at which enemies could plant moles inside the supposedly COUNTER-Terrorist Unit.

21. In season 8, everybody, from ex-cons to bounty hunters, seems to know where CTU is and are even allowed inside the premises.

22. Jack Bauer being able to do undercover work despite having his face plastered all over TV screens during the Senate hearings in season 7.

23. The charisma-challenged Wayne Palmer became president.

24. Jack’s “I give you my word”, which he breaks more often than he keeps, unintentionally or otherwise.

1. Custom Textbook Scam

What could be worse than a textbook company selling exorbitantly-priced textbooks to students? A school helping them do it, to their very own students. That is exactly the deal some schools have with textbook companies via the “custom textbook” ploy.

Here’s how it works: The textbook company takes a certain textbook, like the one pictured to the left, then “customize” it for a certain school. By “customize” we mean splashing the name of the school right across the top of the front cover, a few dozen pages inside describing that school’s program for that particular textbook’s subject, and a notice on the back that reads: “This book may not be bought or sold used.” Other than that, there’s not much difference between the customized version and the regular one sold outside the campus. Oh, there’s that little matter of the custom textbook having double the price tag of the regular version, but it’s all the same, right? Check out this WSJ report to see how the cover of Diana Hacker’s A Writer’s Reference looks like after the customization process.

2. Textbook Review Scam

Some textbook publishing companies go straight to the ones who actually require the students to use certain textbooks: the professors themselves. Textbook company North West Publishing did just that with Middle Tennessee State University history professor Jim Williams, when they offered him $2,500 to “review” one of its textbooks. As it turned out, they were asking Williams to do more than just say what he thinks about the book, which is priced at $70 at the campus bookstore. They were actually asking him to require his students to buy it, or he could forget about the money. And he’s not the only one who got this kind of an indecent proposal. More on this story here.

3. Los Angeles Unified School District Textbook Scam

In 2007, Matthias Vheru, a former Los Angeles Unified School District official, was arrested for allegedly issuing nearly $4 million in unauthorized textbook orders for a title he wrote.

Yes folks, he’s accused of using his position as a supervisor of the District’s Central Office Mathematics Department to buy $3.7 million worth of his own Algebra book for use in District classrooms. Can’t blame him, really. After all, the 20 percent cut stated in his deal with the publishing company netted him nearly $1 million in royalties and fees. Click here for more details on this case.

4. The Book Buyback Scam

Sure, many college bookstores would argue that buying a used book for half its original price tag is not a scam, but just a proper way of doing business, the operative word here being “used” and therefore has a depreciated value attached to it. Tell that to the millions of college students around the country who have sold barely-used textbooks to school bookstores and got paid as low as 10-15% of their books’ original cost for their efforts.

5. Purdue University Student’s Fraudulent Textbook Selling Scheme at Half.com

Nicholas Baptist, a former Purdue University student, allegedly opened 384 fake bank accounts for non-existent employees and used them to open 568 Half.com seller accounts, where buyers sent in over $5.3 million dollars as payment for textbooks they’ve “purchased”. He then allegedly wired the money to accounts he held in Singapore and Malaysia. A Malaysian national, Baptist has been charged with 12 counts of wire fraud. He has since been believed to have returned to his home country. DOJ details of this case here.

This article on textbook prices exposes some of the other reasons textbook costs are high and what you can do about it.