9 Breast Types With Female Celebrity Examples

Breasts come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re serious about knowing what medical professionals call them, go do some serious research. If you’ve got nothing better to do than read another stupid celebrity boob list for the weekend, scroll down and see nine breast types with female celebrity examples. They’re more fun anyway.

1. “Sugar, We’re Going Down” Breasts

Saggy breasts are a dime a dozen in Hollywood. Kirsten Dunst and Uma Thurman and many others have breasts that are fighting a losing battle against gravity. But there’s no bigger loser to gravity than Tom Cruise’s ex-wife, Mimi Rogers. Fine, she’s like 70 years old, but never have I seen tits that sagged so much she could actually tie them together behind her neck in case they become too bothersome. Click here to see for yourself.

2. "Porn Awards, Here I Come” Breasts

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These breasts, specifically the ones that belong to Jessica Simpson and Scarlett Johansson, will be equally at home on the set of the biggest Hollywood blockbusters and on the seediest location for a hardcore porn shoot.

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3. “Mayday, Mayday, We’re Coming In For A Landing” Breasts

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Keira Knightley, Claire Danes and Kate Hudson and all have chests flat enough to accommodate all sorts of planes for an emergency landing.

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4. “I Grew Them Overnight” Breasts

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One starry night, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera went to bed as regular-breasted chicks, then woke up in the morning with funbags that seem to have come from nowhere. And they never owned up to having had boob jobs done. Maybe they’re from the tooth fairy. Or from a genie in a bottle.

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5. “My eyes, my eyes!” breasts

My eyes never seemed right again after seeing Kathy Bates and Rosie O’Donnell bare all in “About Schmidt” and “Nip/Tuck”, respectively. We don’t need to see them here, really.

6. “Now You See Them, Now You Don’t” breasts

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Ever since she wore that tight white top in “Career Opportunities”, Jennifer Connelly has consistently been hailed as the owner of the most gorgeous pair of breasts in the business. But her breast size has been anything but consistent. She was top-heavy in “The Rocketeer”, then they seem to have shrunk in “Requiem For A Dream”. Her funbags looked fun once again in “Mulholland Falls”, but her Oscar-winning turn in “A Beautiful Mind” practically showed no sign of them. What the hell is going on here?

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7. “Perky Tits Begin at 60” breasts

You’ll have to see “Something’s Gotta Give” to believe it. At 61 years old, Diane Keaton definitely has way perkier breasts than say, Kirsten Dunst or Kate Bosworth. Speaking of Dunst, I shudder to think what her breasts would look like when she’s Diane’s age.

8. “Got Milk?” Breasts

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It’s been more than seven years since Kelly Preston last popped out a kid, but those boobies of hers still look like they’re full of milk, making it seem like she provides all of John Travolta’s daily dairy requirements. And from the looks of things, Salma Hayek’s boobs are headed in the same direction.

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9. “Only In My Dreams” Breasts

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As far as I’m concerned, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Alba are two of the most heartless breasts, er, women in Hollywood. They tease us with their obviously fun funbags, then declare they’re never gonna take their clothes off for whatever reason. All we can do now is cross our fingers and hope they’ll be stupid enough to make a sex tape of their own, just like these skanks did.

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Now try making up your own breast types and let’s see what you could come up with.

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2 Responses to “9 Breast Types With Female Celebrity Examples”

  1. [...] to tell me that the 42-year-old Teri Hatcher is going the way of the 51-year-old Mimi Rogers, whose saggy tits I couldn’t get out of my head. Image [...]

  2. “consistently been hailed as the owner of two of the most gorgeous pairs of breasts in the business” – two pairs?!?

    Well, that explains it. She just swaps them out at home.

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